![]() The parent might have paid a lot of money, or given up time, to coach and practice tennis with their winning child. True - the parent might have spent hours helping the child get their homework done – or even completing the child’s assignment. How might you feel as the child? Might you quietly ask yourself ‘Who was it that put in the hard hours to get a good report? Who put in the practice in order to win that tennis match? Why are you taking the credit for my effort?’ (I'd prefer "Congratulations! You must be so proud of how you're doing!") Parent: "I’m proud that you got all A’s in your school report/won that tennis trophy" While you might understand that your partner is being supportive, might you also feel a bit miffed? Is your partner proud because they can now be associated with a high achiever? (I'd prefer "Congratulations! You worked so hard, you really deserve that job!")įriend: "I'm proud of you for being brave and standing up to your boss"Īs the friend who has found that courage, is this statement something you would appreciate? (I'd prefer "Wow, that must have taken some thought and courage!") Partner: "I'm proud of you for landing that job" Didn’t your manager think you were capable of putting such a report together? (I'd prefer "I'm really impressed with report - I can see how much effort you put in, and it's going to be helpful for the organisation".) Why is your manager taking credit for the work you put into the report? You could also feel patronised. After all, you were the one who put the effort into writing the report – you did the research, you put the paper together. How might you feel as the worker? You could feel annoyed and put out. Manager: "I’m proud of the report you’ve written". Let’s look at some examples (followed by some suggested alternatives) – adult first, then child, to help illustrate this point: So - when a parent says, "I’m so proud of you", is the parent taking the credit for the child’s accomplishments? The key words (for this discussion) are ‘creditable to oneself’. Who ‘owns’ the achievement? (our pride is generally around an achievement).Ī Macquarie Dictionary definition of ‘proud’ is: ‘feeling pleasure or satisfaction over something conceived as highly honourable or creditable to oneself’. ![]() Had I ever thought about the meaning behind these words? What would replace this oh-so-common parenting expression? And why should I stop using this phrase? Three reasons I avoid saying “I’m proud of you”. For me, this was a huge take-away moment. Some years ago I attended a parenting seminar, where the speaker incidentally mentioned avoiding the phrase "I’m proud of you". However – what messages might our children actually hear? What do they perceive - when a parent (or teacher) says "I’m proud of you"? Never give up you have a bright future ahead of you."I’m proud of you!" How often do we utter this common parenting phrase, in moments of pleasure at our child’s latest achievement? With the best of intentions, we want to let our children know of our pride in them. Thank you for showing the world that with self-discipline and determination everything is possible.You are doing an amazing job with the kids.Thank you sweetheart for doing things that make me feel proud.You have finally landed on your dream job. Life sometimes can be difficult but I am glad things are working out for you.I know life has not been that easy for you but finally there is better future ahead.I am really thankful to have you as my boyfriend. The way you treat me is all I ever want in life.I am the proudest girl in the whole world.You are my inspiration, the love of my life. ![]() You try hard, you fight hard and make us proud. You have come a long way and will go further. ![]() I haven’t had a chance to tell you this earlier but today I want to say it. You don’t like socializing very much, but still, you took up this challenge and went to the countryside. You really worked hard and you got the result you wanted. I’m so proud of you because of everything you do for me.ĭear friend, I am so proud of your result. So proud of you and best wishes on your journey to glory.ĭear best friend, not everyone is lucky enough to have a friend like you. I am that lucky person who learns a lot from you. And since then, you’ve made me proud of almost everything you do. I was impressed with you for the very first time that I laid eyes on you. My heart is filled with pride to see you succeed in everything you do. I am so proud to see you go from a lover to a responsible man. You have your goals and you work so hard for it. Sometimes it blows my mind to think how hardworking and enthusiastic you are. You made me the proudest girlfriend of all time. I know that the past few months have been so hard for you, but in the end, you achieved what you wanted. The way you always inspire and comfort me, I’m really grateful to have you in my life.
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